So, after my rather depressing time at my uncle’s funeral, I had a GREAT time with my friend, Sharon, at a reading/Q&A with one of my favorite authors, Patrick Rothfuss.
Early on Sunday morning (earlier than I’ve woken up in years!) and drove into Minneapolis to pick up my friend. We had to drive out to a small town in Wisconsin called Merrill – about a 3 hour drive, one way. I’m not the most conversational person, but I would like to believe that we had a good drive out there! We listened to some of Sharon’s music and spoke candidly about various topics. We had a good time.
Once we arrived at the library where the reading was being held a little early – which was good! We were able to help the head of the library set up the reading area and have a little conversation with him. We also got to pick our seats – right up front! We just had to wait a bit for Pat to arrive, but we just spent it chatting some more.
And then… it started!
Pat was just as engaging and charismatic as his blog indicates. He seems like a wonderful person – inside and out. Very down-to-earth author. And he is a very good author, at that. His writing style is so easy to read. Very fluid. It is one of my favorite books (and the sequel is coming out just next year!) It was an absolute pleasure to be able to meet him – and have him sign my copy of the book! He was very gracious in his signing and I was a bumbling, stuttering fool as always, but I’m still happy with it!
Eventually all the fun ended and we had to drive back home, but we had a wonderful time, I believe. Everything went very well and according to set plans. It’s always nice when things work out like that.
It’s also very nice when you’re able to meet someone you admire and they actually exceed what you already think of them.
Thank you Pat, for a wonderful reading.
And thank you, Sharon, for helping set up our fun together and being my companion throughout this!
It was quite the eye-opening experience. I’m sure with most people, I found myself to be in a continued state of self-reflection. Now, I realize that I should have spent the majority of the time at the funeral celebrating my uncle’s life and mourning his death, but, in a way, I was.
I feel it to be a rather unfortunate thing… but I learned more about my uncle in that one day than I had in the many years I knew him. I never knew that he had served in WWII. And served in France, no less. I relish everything about the French lifestyle and would have loved to have had the opportunity to learn as much as I could have from him about what France was like during those years. It must have been quite the experience! I learned that he started and ran his own logging company for the majority of his life. I had the chance to see the other side of his family – the side that I had never met before – and they seemed like great people. More… how do I put this? Cultured? Practiced? They just seemed… more. In a good way. Not that the rest of the family is bad or anything. It was just nice to see another side to the family.
My uncle was a soldier. An entrepreneur. And dedicated family man.
And I missed out on learning so very much.
The reflection time during the funeral was well-spent, I believe. Most of which needs to be kept to myself.
So. Everything has changed. The world has gone all sorts of topsy-turvy and it feels amazing. It is a liberation. It is freedom like I’ve never felt before. It is… my new life.
I finally moved out of my parents’ home.
*cheers*
I have always felt like I lived a good life. Nothing that terrible has ever happened in my life. By far the most upsetting events that I can recall are when my dogs have passed away. Well, I guess there is the whole best friend incident, but that’s for another time. In my youth – meaning about 5-6 years back – my dogs were the most important relationship I had. Always there for comfort and all. They were my rock. They helped me get through school (Side note: school sucked until halfway through high school). They were my friend and, in one case, my pillow. When my dogs passed on, it was horrible for me. But overall, my life is good. My parents are alive, still together and still in love after 26 (27?) years. I still have 3 of my 4 grandparents (my dad’s dad died when I was very young – no heartbreak there). I’ve never done anything so bad that the punishment has scarred me. I’ve led a fairly average, albeit mundane, life. I was quite happy right where I was in my parents house at the age of 23.
But then, I moved to my very own apartment in the very city I’ve wanted to live in.
I don’t believe that the change has fully sunken in yet, but it feels great. Maybe I’m still in the euphoria of being on a short vacation from my normal life with my parents. Maybe this is just how I deal with things (I tend to just go with it – not much really bothers me). Maybe I just haven’t woken up. But this is amazing!
Now, what brought me to moving out? There are many factors, as I’m sure is the case with most people. But first: my parents were selling (read: losing) their home. So, although I could have just gone with them and kept up the charade, it seemed like a more than perfect opportunity to get on with my life and become my own person. Build confidence. Break down barriers. The world is my oyster. Etcetera. And it was, really, a perfect time and for many reasons:
- I had just gotten my tax refund back. Meaning, I had some extra money to spare and a good reason to spend it!
- I was getting a little fed up of living at home. I love my parents and all, but in all honesty, they were getting on my nerves. Children should never live with their parents unless need drives them. Also, my mother had just had knee replacement surgery and was really getting tiresome. It’s not that I had a lot to do other than help her out, but I would just rather do what I wanted to.
- I had just came out to my parents not a month earlier and although they were fine with it, you could just sense that there was something different in the atmosphere. There was an unsaid tension that was ever-so slowly rising. No tension now.
And thus began the search for a new place to live!
I had scoured the internet for weeks (literally) trying to find a place. Now, I had some experience doing this, as I just liked to go in to various sites and look at the future possibilities. I had also looked at many places with my friend, Billy. There was a strong possibility that would could be very good roommates (again, same story – needs to be done a different time).
Eventually, I came to the point where I focused my search in certain areas and with apartments/condos/townhouses that would accommodate a dog. I had to take Riley with me. Then, one Saturday, I took my parents with me to look at several places and let me say… the internet just makes everything look better, I swear. There was a very promising place in a city that I thought was quite nice, but had, apparently, gone downhill. The apartment was okay, but the neighborhood was dreadful. Not the type of place where I felt secure, let alone felt comfortable in. Most of these worries were brought to the forefront of my mind after we had gotten home from putting a deposit on the place. (It did look promising, honest!) We had also looked at a great condo, but it turns out the price was out of my range. Who knew that association dues could be so high??
That Monday, I had gotten the call that I had been accepted at the place with the questionable neighborhood. By that time, I was already freaking out about even the possibility of moving there. I had read many reviews online about the place after I went there. Read about the crime statistics. Sent an e-mail to the city officials about the crime. Spoke with many of my friends who knew the area better than I did. I was beyond worried. After the call came, I wasn’t even happy that I had gotten in. I was depressed. And scared. And unsure about where I was going in my life. I wasn’t ready for that big of a change yet.
And I voiced these concerns to my father. Who was, as always, the calm, cool and collected person that he is. He just said to look at a few other places online in the nicer neighborhoods. See what’s out there. After he got off work that same day, we decided, on a whim, to go look at a few of the places I was looking at. And again… places look better online than in person. I was a little disappointed, but my hopes were higher because I was in a nicer neighborhood.
With thoughts about heading back home, we drove past another development and decided just to turn in and take a look. We stopped in front of the main office and sat there for a minute just talking. We didn’t know anything at all about this place, so we called the office from just outside the office and asked if they took pets. They did. They did? Well, let’s go in and talk with them for a bit. So, we went into the office and were immediately welcomed with a clean and nice atmosphere, warm and inviting staff and even a bowl of dog biscuits on the table. We chatted with the owner for a while. Talking about prices, rules, statistics. Pretty much all that we’ve done just two days earlier. Everything was what I wanted it to be. A good price. Nice looking place. No speed bumps. And that feeling. You know… that feeling that you get when you just know something is right for you. That feeling.
My dad and I decided to go take a look at the place where I might be living at. May as well go take a look, eh? No harm. No foul.
The place was brilliant. Exactly what I needed.
Top floor apartment. Balcony. Pet friendly. Nice kitchen. These were all very important to me. At the place with the bad neighborhood, I would have lived in a first floor apartment. That is what really freaked me out. The lack of security. It felt so open. So vulnerable. Naked for the world to see. Not something I relished. The balcony was wonderful. A place with privacy where I could go read in the summer and spring with no worries. I love to read outside and this could be a perfect place. Somewhere I would really want to set up nicely and spend the entire day outside. Being able to have Riley with me would be a boon in many ways. I would feel much more secure. Riley is very protective of me. I would not feel as lonely. At least there is one person to talk to who will always listen without judgment. And he’s just so darn cute. And the kitchen… oh, the kitchen. I love the kitchen. In the place with the bad neighborhood, it had a galley-style kitchen. Which is awful. I can’t stand being in a crowded kitchen. I need room to work. The kitchen in this place was more than I could have hoped for. L-shaped with a half-wall on the opposite corner so it didn’t feel crowded or boxed in. Nice, laminate wood floors. Swiffer-time!
Being able to live in this apartment would be perfect for me. Absolutely perfect!
So, I filled out an application that day and was hoping to hear from them as soon as I could! After all, I only had 72 hours to give the place with the bad neighborhood an answer on if I would take their apartment or not and this wonderful new place said it might take up to a week.
– The Next Day –
They called back!! That was so quick! My heart was almost literally in my throat when I saw their number pop up on my phone (Oh! New phone too… gotta say something about that later). They said that I had been accepted, but I couldn’t celebrate yet. They needed to see a copy of my previous two pay stubs (to verify employment and make sure I made enough to pay the rent) before I could be officially accepted.
Now… this is when it really hit me. I very quickly gathered up those pay stubs and drove over to the complex. When I was pulling into the driveway, a song came on my iPod. A song that I just love. One that really just makes me smile. It was Rob Thomas singing Little Wonders, from the Meet The Robinsons soundtrack. The whole song is about letting go. Not worrying about everything mundane detail. Just… enjoying the small moments of everyday life. Not always looking to the next big thing, but enjoying what is right in front of you. It’s about taking a step back and breathing. Let it go. Let it roll right off your shoulder.
For some reason at that time, I just smiled. I knew that I would be fine.
I went in a spoke with the manager. She was very nice, as usual. Talked me through the rest of the steps and then I headed off to work. Not even one hour into my shift, she called me and I nervously answered the phone. I had been accepted!!! Woohoo!! /dance! Such a weight off my shoulders! I was so happy! I had never been so excited for something. Ever! I immediately texted my friends and parents. I am not ashamed to admit that I gushed. I was so happy to be moving on with my life in a wonderful place where I was comfortable and excited for!
Everything was happening so quickly. I had applied for the apartment that Monday. They called me back officially on Tuesday. I called to cancel on Bad Neighborhood Place on Wednesday. I was planning and packing on Thursday and Friday. I was officially moved into my new place by Saturday evening! Luckily I had been slowly packing up my life for the past couple years and packed up most of everything else the previous week in anticipation.
My dad and I loaded up the moving van on Saturday morning and had everything moved in by Saturday evening. That was two weeks ago, yesterday. I was able to spend my first night in my very own apartment with just myself and Riley. And a breath of realization. A wondrous feeling of freedom and understanding. I was home. And it felt so right. It still feels right. Everything went perfectly. The entire experience from the initial tour of my new place, to the application process, to the moving in went so smoothly. There was something at work here besides my father and I.
And I am so happy.
Now, I am just spending time getting new furnishings with my tax refund and enjoying living on my own. There is still a lot of work to be done, but I feel so lucky and blessed to be where I am now. I can’t wait to see what the future brings.
Today is a new day. A fresh start. The beginning of a new adventure
Why is that?
Yesterday, I came out to my parents.
It was amazing.
It was invigorating.
It was a release.
It was the most frightening experience I’ve ever gone through.
Being able to come out to my parents was something that I’ve been stewing about for many years now. I’ve been slowly opening up to people for the past few years, soon after coming to the realization myself. I was beside myself with what to do when it came to my parents. I love them both dearly and did not wish to anger… disappoint… sadden… or do anything to make my parents skew their view on me.
For quite some time, I was content just keeping everything to myself and thought that I would be fine. It was better to let myself bear the burden of who I am than to infringe upon my parents’ view of me. I very quickly found out that it was not better. I needed to be myself around those I love the most. I needed to be honest with my parents. If they didn’t love me for the person I am, then that was their decision. Besides… the fact that I hadn’t told them yet was beginning to eat me up inside. I was having terrible dreams about the possible outcomes of coming out to them and even worse day dreams. I was unaware of the many possible scenarios I could come up with – each seemingly worse than the previous.
Fortunately, of the many consequences of coming out to my parents I thought up… the one I had halfway expected happened.
Although they aren’t 100% happy, my parents are going to be supportive of me. They don’t quite understand why or how I could be gay, but they trust me enough and have enough respect for me to not toss me out on my ass in the freezing Minnesota winter. Very thankful for that. My mom seemed like she was more ‘okay’ with this than my dad. The conversations I had thought up kinda switched between the two of them. It was my dad who brought up religion, instead of my mom, who I thought would have. In fact, my mother is the one who brought up questioning what she believes instead of quoting it. So… I think that my mom will eventually be fine with everything. It is my dad that I have to work on. Hopefully someday we can just sit down and have a discussion about everything around this. At the least, I want him to be questioning his own beliefs as well.
Let me clarify a bit.
I have my faith. I believe that we were put here for a reason and I kinda doubt that’s going to be rotting in a whole in the ground. I believe in a God that is loving and caring for every being that they create and is not there to disparage upon the “abominations” that are created in it’s image. God would have not created gay people if they were not wanted. And the whole thing that homosexuality is a choice is another bit of total bullshit. It’s like I can choose to be attracted to men any more than straight people can choose to be attracted to the opposite sex. I still think that my dad is hoping that I’ll come to the realization that I can choose who to love. But I can choose that any more than he can choose to love my mother. It’s not a choice.
Although my parents may not understand what I’m going through and how I may feel, they have decided to support me, at this point. I’m hoping that will turn into acceptance at some point, but this is definitely a start. A good start.
One of my favorite bands came out with a new album on December 8th 2009. 30 Seconds to Mars is by far one of my favorite bands. It is lead by an amazing vocalist, Jared Leto. Currently his brother, Shannon Leto, brings the percussion and Tomo Miličević adds more guitar work and various other instruments. The band members work beautifully together. A perfect mixture of stunning harmony and suave styling. Not only can they bring together a sounds that exemplifies themselves and others, but leader singer, Jared, is also an accomplished actor, having roles in such films as Fight Club, Requiem for a Dream and Girl, Interrupted. He’s also quite a looker.
Here is a link to their website and here is a link to their Wiki page.
This amazing band first got me hooked with a hit song from their second album, A Beautiful Lie. The song is called The Kill and it shocked me to the core. I remember precisely where I was when I heard it. I was sitting at work and zoning out in ‘job-mode’ when this piercing vocal just snapped me right out of it. I quickly looked up who it was and the next day, after looking up a few of the other songs on the album, I went to the store and purchased it right away. This was the first time I’d ever done that and it was beyond worth it. The entire album is perfection. I loved every single moment of it!
It is amazing what a few measures of one song can do.
I would encourage everybody to take a look into this surprising band and their unbelievable talent.
